Hello, it's been a while.
I'm back on this and it feels nice. It's been ages since I've posted anything up on here and a lot has happened since. For a while, I fell out of love with blogging and social media. I put unnecessary pressure on myself to get the perfect photo or getting a certain number of engagements - I never really reach anything that I aimed for. So much so I forgot why I even started writing on here - to escape from life for an hour and do something that's just for me.
I always felt like I was late on trends, didn't have the money to keep up on the latest makeup or have the confidence to say what I really thought. For a really long time I wasn't satisfied with my life and wanted to find something out of my ordinary to find the thing that was missing. I didn't know what that thing was, I still don't to be honest.
In 2018 I decided to do something bold and tick something off my bucket list, move to London. I packed up all of my favourite things and just went for it. I left everyone behind and wanted to start something new. London is a big shiny place, lots to do and things to see. I was excited and it was the most independent I'd ever felt. I started a new job, lived in a house share and didn't know anyone. It was lonely at first, all I did was clean my room and sit on my phone. The job I had paid a ridiculously low wage and to make it better, I was the lowest paid in the whole company - great. Reality started to set in and I slowly became the most miserable version of myself, it just took me a while to see it. Don't get my wrong, I made some friends and have some good memories. Everyone said I was brave for just moving there but I felt even more brave when I decided to move home. I kept going for months, trying to not accept defeat but I reached a point where I hate every moment and I knew it was time. Just as quickly as I moved there, I handed in my notice and I was gone. It was all over with and even though I was home I still felt like I had to rebuild myself. I didn't realise how low I was until I look back now.
When I moved home I was in this weird transition phase, I was back in my comfort bubble but I still wasn't happy. I didn't have a job so I had a lot of time to think about what I really wanted and what really went wrong when I lived in London. It was a time when I started to think about myself more than I ever have, what I enjoy, what people I want around and what I want in the long term.
After a few months getting back on my feet I found a job again. Although, my confidence was so low all of my interviews went terribly I just wasn't in the place that I used to be. Before London I could take criticism and use it to improve myself but now I just think I'm terrible and everyone is against me. I'm working on it though, I have a lot of internal chats with myself about how good I am at things and that I've been in a lot worse places. Sometimes it just takes me a little bit more time to compose myself.
It's difficult going back into an old life when you feel like a completely different person. People expect you to just be the same and slot back in but it's harder than that. I think now, I'm more honest and I don't really care about making everyone happy anymore. Not a lot of people will help you out so I'm tagging onto that mindset. It sounds bad but it's true, stick with the people who look out for you. I feel like my mindset towards work has changed too, you're always going to get called out for something but don't put up with bullshit because you think you have to. Go to work and earn a wage so you can do more in your personal life, which is what is important. That's why we go to work at the end of the day.
I'm now in a better place just with a different attitude towards life. I don't really give a shit about things I used to stress over. I'm more focused and honest with myself, I don't have crazy exceptions like I used to. I've put together my goals and started to put them into action.
If you've stuck around for the past 5 years or so and I've posted nothing, thank you and I'm sorry!
So that's that, super long post over. I'll be back writing about makeupy, beauty stuff soon x
