Where have I been?

Hello, it's been a while.

I'm back on this and it feels nice. It's been ages since I've posted anything up on here and a lot has happened since. For a while, I fell out of love with blogging and social media. I put unnecessary pressure on myself to get the perfect photo or getting a certain number of engagements - I never really reach anything that I aimed for. So much so I forgot why I even started writing on here - to escape from life for an hour and do something that's just for me. 

I always felt like I was late on trends, didn't have the money to keep up on the latest makeup or have the confidence to say what I really thought. For a really long time I wasn't satisfied with my life and wanted to find something out of my ordinary to find the thing that was missing. I didn't know what that thing was, I still don't to be honest. 

In 2018 I decided to do something bold and tick something off my bucket list, move to London. I packed up all of my favourite things and just went for it. I left everyone behind and wanted to start something new. London is a big shiny place, lots to do and things to see. I was excited and it was the most independent I'd ever felt. I started a new job, lived in a house share and didn't know anyone. It was lonely at first, all I did was clean my room and sit on my phone. The job I had paid a ridiculously low wage and to make it better, I was the lowest paid in the whole company - great. Reality started to set in and I slowly became the most miserable version of myself, it just took me a while to see it. Don't get my wrong, I made some friends and have some good memories. Everyone said I was brave for just moving there but I felt even more brave when I decided to move home. I kept going for months, trying to not accept defeat but I reached a point where I hate every moment and I knew it was time. Just as quickly as I moved there, I handed in my notice and I was gone. It was all over with and even though I was home I still felt like I had to rebuild myself. I didn't realise how low I was until I look back now.  

When I moved home I was in this weird transition phase, I was back in my comfort bubble but I still wasn't happy. I didn't have a job so I had a lot of time to think about what I really wanted and what really went wrong when I lived in London. It was a time when I started to think about myself more than I ever have, what I enjoy, what people I want around and what I want in the long term. 

After a few months getting back on my feet I found a job again. Although, my confidence was so low all of my interviews went terribly I just wasn't in the place that I used to be. Before London I could take criticism and use it to improve myself but now I just think I'm terrible and everyone is against me. I'm working on it though, I have a lot of internal chats with myself about how good I am at things and that I've been in a lot worse places. Sometimes it just takes me a little bit more time to compose myself. 

It's difficult going back into an old life when you feel like a completely different person. People expect you to just be the same and slot back in but it's harder than that. I think now, I'm more honest and I don't really care about making everyone happy anymore. Not a lot of people will help you out so I'm tagging onto that mindset. It sounds bad but it's true, stick with the people who look out for you. I feel like my mindset towards work has changed too, you're always going to get called out for something but don't put up with bullshit because you think you have to. Go to work and earn a wage so you can do more in your personal life, which is what is important. That's why we go to work at the end of the day.    

I'm now in a better place just with a different attitude towards life. I don't really give a shit about things I used to stress over. I'm more focused and honest with myself, I don't have crazy exceptions like I used to. I've put together my goals and started to put them into action. 

If you've stuck around for the past 5 years or so and I've posted nothing, thank you and I'm sorry! 

So that's that, super long post over. I'll be back writing about makeupy, beauty stuff soon x

My 21st Birthday | Outfit

At the end of June it was my 21st birthday. I'm really not one for parties at all but my mam and dad agreed that I had to have at least a family party to celebrate. Actually, I have an amazing day...and here is what I wore and a few pictures of the day. 

How amazing was my birthday cake please? Coconut and pineapple flavour too!

Mam selfie... 

Dad selfies...

Outfit 

Jumpsuit - http://www.boohoo.com/jen-gingham-ruffle-culotte-jumpsuit/DZZ49626.html 

Shoes - http://www.topshop.com/en/tsuk/product/rave-detailed-tassel-sandals-6511444

I am very lucky and thanks to everyone who made it special x

20 Things I've learnt in my 20 years of life

So I turned 20 this week, which is way too adult sounding for my liking! I always thought 20 was an old grown up age and that I would have my life on track but in reality I still feel 16 but with more responsibilities, although still not exactly a responsible person.

With another year passing over I've kind of been thinking about my life, how things turned out and have been all cringey reflective. This is where I got the idea for this post, kind of thinking out loud, or online! I think it would be cool to look back on this later in life too, so here it goes...

1. Things Change

Your life will constantly change, its something you can't stop. No matter how hard you try not everything will go to plan and things will be different to how you intended. Whether that be small changes or massive life changes, good changes or bad, what will be will be! 

2. Friends Don't Last Forever 

'Best friends for life' 'We will be each others bridesmaids' 'Bestest friends'. People change, they move on and often you will get left behind. This isn't necessarily a bad thing although at the time it's not always easy.  You will fall out with people, argue and often things will never be the same afterwards, but a month or two later I guarantee you will not care anymore and you don't need their negativity in your life anyway. People from school will move on with their lives, the exact same way as you will, meet new people and have new relationships. I'm not saying if you still talk to people from school then you did it all wrong but I bet you have stopped talking to people who you used to speak to daily!

3. Leave Negativity Behind

Negative people are not worth being in your life. Friends, boys or even family. If a person is bring you down in any way at all then why are you wasting your time being around them? You're life is worth a lot more than that and you don't deserve to feel that way. 

4. Don't follow the rules of others

If there's something you want to do but you're scared that someone else won't like it, are they really worth it? I've went through so much of this, doing what others think is right and following what other people say because they were my friends, like a little sheep. You need to do what is good for you, regardless of who it may affect, obviously don't set out to hurt anyone though and have good intentions!

5. Dress how ever you want and love it!

This is something I've always kind of struggled with, but I feel like I'm finally overcoming it. I grew up around Sunderland, a chavy little city that contains a lot of judgemental people who aren't used to anything other then whats sold in primarni. Wearing whatever you want is all about confidence rather than having style in my opinion, there's things that I love but I know I wouldn't have the confidence to wear! For my 20th, I spent my time shopping buying whatever the hell I wanted and wore my new clothes exactly how I wanted them ever since and loved it! I kind of got a major confidence boost after reading this post my Megan Ellaby(Pages by Megan) who is one of the best fashion bloggers! Give it a read.

6. Confidence!

Another I've always struggled with. I've never considered myself to be an anxious person, just often painfully shy and very worried about what people think of me. I'm really trying hard to not care about other peoples opinions but its often easier said than done.

7. Life isn't a competition!

So what if people gets more likes than you, if you think they're better than you or if people are into the same things as you. It doesn't matter, you're not them and they're not you! Stop comparing yourself.

8. You need to make the correct decision for yourself 

If you feel that something is right to do, then do it regardless of what anyone else may say about it.

9. Photograph your life

Take photos of memories, have something to look back on! I hate getting my photo taken but I really want to do it more. I want to be able to look back on my life and see how I've changed and grown. Even if its just through instagram, have photos to refer back to! Have a record that you existed!

10. Buy the bloody shoes

For ages I hated spending money but life is just too short to wish you had the things you don't. Work hard, earn your way! You work hard and why shouldn't you have lovely rewards and be able to feel good about it!

11. Make things happen

For ages I wanted to blog but was always so scared anyone would ever find it. This is kind of a place for me to be myself, it feels like no one reads and I like it that way! I wanted to do it and now I have for a year and a half and had an amazing oppurtunities along the way! I hated college so I left and started working and have never looked back. Don't wait around, your chance is now!

12. Find what you love

Whether that be people, hobbies, jobs, clothes, whatever you enjoy just find your passion. When you find something, don't stop! Keep going, you'll fill yourself with positivity and pride. 

13. Travel at any opportunity

Life experience is so much more rewarding than something you can touch. Go out see the world, don't stay in your home town forever, there's so much more to the world!

14. Go outside and switch off the technology

It sounds silly, but so much time in our lives is wasted sitting indoors watching films or YouTube videos. Switch off the Xbox and go outside, get some fresh air and spend time with people! There's nothing I love more than going for walks whether you cannot access instagram or Facebook just you and the people around you to chat too, no online messager!! Create a balance. Technology is what our generation is obsessed with whether we like it or not, there needs to be a time where we can just be away from it!

15. Smile more

Being self conscious of my teeth and smile for years meant I kind of stopped smiling and developed that whole resting bitch face thing. Not smiling really puts a damper on your mood. Laugh hard and smile always. 

16. If you're happy for someone, tell them

Push the people you love to make the most of the opportunities they get and do what they love to do. Be happy for people, be proud of what the people closest to you can achieve. Positivity is contagious. 

17. There's more to life then looks

Stop wasting your time on stupid diets and ages slapping makeup on. Stop worrying, you look fine. 

18. Not going out drinking every weekend is unusual 

I live in the Northeast with is notorious for drinking.  Personally, this isn't really my sense, I prefer a bath and bed by 11pm on a Saturday! The main thing is, most friends only social through drinking so not really enjoying the clubbing scene can be a bit difficult. Don't do something you don't enjoy just because everyone else is doing it. And no, you're not a pussy for only liking cocktails!

19. Your parents will always have your back

As I get older I realise how much my parents really do care and how they will be there no matter what. I've always known this, but as you get older and you go through different things they really do show how much they care. 

20. Just be happy

Make yourself proud, you can do this!!

Thanks for reading x

New Years | Out with the old, in with the new

2015 

2015 was probably one of the best years for me, so much of my life has changed whether it was for better or for worst, starting 2016 I have a clear head and in a lot better place that I was this time last year. 

The start of 2015 began with me being unhappy, deciding to drop out of college and which kind of lead to me starting my blog. College was one thing that I massively regret. I was studying Art and something about it just felt worthless, time wasting and made me feel down constantly. I realise how unhappy I really was over the Christmas holidays of 2014, when I was off and had time to properly think it just clicked that it I was living a life that I hated. I made a promise to myself at the beginning of 2015 to make this year about me, put myself first for a change, live how I wanted to live and all round just be happy.  So I made the bold decision to leave, then I was unemployed for around 2 months. 

That 2 months, were the months that were the make or break for me. It was the time that I really had time to find myself, to find exactly what I loved, set goals for myself and generally have time to rediscover the parts of me that we're lost. This is when I really got into blogging and realised how much I loved it, it's like an escape for me. When it comes to blogging I always felt like, and sometimes still do, that I'm not pretty enough or stylish enough and I'm not the flawless blogger that anyone wants to look like.  But products, beauty, makeup etc. is what I enjoy, other girls can do it so why can't I?

Then in March I secured my first proper job, an apprentice in Business Administration. This was a big step for me entering the world of work. But I took it all in my stride, gained confidence, made new friends, matured and achieved things that I never thought that I could. Work has taught me about commitments and how the only person who can help myself is me. Also, money means freedom.Having my own money and budgeting, being able to do and get whatever I wanted for the first time was one thing I definitely can't complain about. 

Soon June came around meaning I turned 19 so my boyfriend and I visited London to celebrate that and our anniversary, canny aren't we. London was the first kind of holiday/trip that I paid for everything myself for, totally independant. It was also the first tie going away without my parents. The experience was a total dream, I loved the freedom and getting up and exploring, seeing new things and places, no one telling us what to do and no commitments or ties while we were there, just totally doing whatever we wanted.

July came round and I was offered a new post for where I work, a higher paid post. My new job takes a lot more work and is a lot more specialised and is has a better wage, always a bonus! So this has learnt me even more, met more people and achieved more than what I thought I would. 

So soon enough Autumn came in and I really focused on my work. One thing that I did learn over these months was how much I don't enjoy alcohol, going clubbing just isn't enjoyable for me and I just realised like why do I do this I hate it? Call me boring but nights drunk around the town just isn't my type of enjoyable night out, which has lead to me being left out by friends since most 19 year olds only socialise through alcohol but nevertheless, I'm not doing that because others enjoy it. 

Soon enough Christmas time rolled round. This christmas I actually had money to spend on gifts and didn't have to worry about costs. I got so excited for Christmas day to give my parents their presents, I put a lot of thought, time and money into each gift and it was a different kind of excitement, rather than it being because I was recieving it was because I was giving. Christmas was spent with family which I loved.  I didn't really do anything exciting I just loved the relaxation. One thing that was a big highlight over Christmas was a night that I spent with my dad. Normally in my family my mam and I spend more time together and then my dad and brother spend more time together. My dad and I both wanted to go see 'Heart of the Sea' at the cinema, so we both we together. Its the first time since I was like 13 that I've went to the cinema with a parent but I loved it. It was time that I wouldn't of normally had with my dad, we laughed together, filled up on sweets and over priced cinema pepsi and then finished off the night with a Nandos. I know that its only cinema and a meal with my dad but its something that I've never done, not because we don't want to or that we don't get along or anything like that, we just don't and I really enjoyed spending that time with him. 

The new year then came round and 2015 came to an end, so looking forward into 2016 I wanted to set some kind of 'goals' or the things I'd like to happen this year. So i thought I'd make a post about it so this time next year I can look back...

1. Continue to try to make myself happy, do what it takes to find what makes me happy, if I need to be selfish then do it. Happiness is valuable. 
2. Money doesn't matter. Buy the dress, go on holiday. It doesn't matter about the cost.
3. Make the most of every opportunity I'm offered.
4. Blog more.
5. Attempt to fashion blog.
6. Have more time to myself.
7. Travel
8. Try to healthily lose weight and exercise.

A short list but its all I want for this year, these are all things that will better myself and that all I really want.

So thank you for reading.

All the best for 2016!

x

My undying love for Durham

Durham is my favorite place in the northeast, it always has been and more than likely always will be. Although I do live in Durham with public transport being abit of a nightmare to actually get into Durham center it rare that I go, but I love it more and more every time I go! 

So today I went and had a lovely time celebrating someones birthday!

And I would just like to add how amaze the cocktails are in Durham! I love love love going there

A mojito and a jammy dodger anyone?

There might of even been a cosmopolitan sunk in some where, how Carrie Bradshaw.

Durham is like a bloggers paradise, a place where anything and everything goes. Any fashion or style can be worn, without feeling the judgement.

A dream of mine is always to live in Durham one day, hopefully that can come true someday

Hope you have had a lovely day! Because I certainly have 

x

After a Long Week at Work...

A Friday night chill is obviously on the cards. And this is what mine is looking like

Some of my fav things.

Lush Face Mask

The Body Shop Shower Gel

Lush Tea Tree Spray

The Body Shop Mango Body Butter

What are you up to this friday night?

Whatever it has have a good one

x

My Lovely Valentine

So this has been my first valentines that I haven't been single for (finally). So that being said, I have amazing boyf who has spoilt me rotten.  Okay so when I ramble on about things that I like I don't think he actually takes any notice of what I'm saying but after I received all of these its just shown me that he does. 

The first time I've ever received red roses and I was close to tears when he gave me them.

He knows me too well... LUSH DRAGON EGGS

I got 2 but one had to be used immediately  

And, I always love a good candle on in my bedroom. Since my boyfriend doesn't like my current one of the Yankee cherry and blows it out as soon as he walks in, he bought a candle when the smell approved. Sea Salt. It isnt something that I would go for but I am actually loving it. Its a fresh and clean, great for a bedroom.  

A massive love of mine has always been Nicola Roberts. When she brought out her own makeup I was dying to get some but at the time it just wasn't affordable for my beauty budget. I rambled on to him about how I couldnt get it and now its harder to buy. He is vvv good at surprises. 

And because I am just in love, a jar of nutella that may be already gone oopps. 

On the day it was just like a normal day, shopping, kfc and films. We dont need any fancy dinner to celebrate that we love each other or whatever, chicken and chips from a bucket then nutella does it for us.

I know that this is a little bit late but I've been abit busy over the last few day!

I hope everyone had a good valentines what ever yous were up to.

Lots of love

x

My Friday Night In

 At the end of the week there is nothing I love more than a nice pamper night in. A night of a nice bath and use every smelly in sight. Then get the onesie out and whack some fuzzy socks on of course. So this night was one of them nights so i used some of the soap and glory products that i spoke about  and reviewed in this blog post and used the Andrew Barton blondes shampoo and conditioner (for my dipdye). And then of course all the beauty routines of shaving legs and exfoliation of the face etc. 

Order some good chinese food in, get some candles, crawl into bed and watch a good film. 

My favourite kind of night:) 

x

Christmas Reminiscing

So its finally time to accept that Christmas has been and gone and its another year until its back.  Christmas is my fave time of the year by far and I hate when its all over:(

Every Christmas my mam and I have a little tradition of a day of going to see some reindeer, going for a hot chocolate and buy a new decoration for the christmas tree. Its something that I look forward to every year and I think my mam gets more excited than I do tbh. 

A few Christmasy drinks and meal with all my college friends was a lovely way to spend the last day at college before half term. A chicken burger with a purple rain can never EVER be beaten. Loved this day it was so lovely. 

Christmas=Lush lots of Lush. Lush have such a cute Christmas Range and the pink star on the stick (cant remember the proper name but you know what I mean) is my all time fave. Why dont they do these all year round:(. 

And of course christmas is all about the food. So I did a bit of baking my self, cake anyone?

x